There was a time the pieces fit

for old times sake

2009-08-06T05:15:23Z

WOW
In the past two years I've found the love of my life, and married him, traveled up and down CA...and the playboy mansion....and just recently i found out im having a baby!!!! due sometime in APRIL. I cant wait! but im sure the baby can lol. anywho i wish i hadnt just abandoned my lj like this but hey......life happens lol...

hmm...

2008-01-18T19:41:31Z

So its the middle of January. And yet, still no improvements. I'm working on it. I need to get a job. damn. I need to learn when to shut up, and when to open my mouth. So many things that i need to learn. I'm still young though, I have time, but i dont want to waste it...
I'll figure something out. I usually do.

things are looking up

2007-12-18T22:34:25Z

...details at a later time.

crazy4zito @ 2007-12-07T13:25:00

2007-12-07T21:26:51Z

might be going to seattle on thursday or so.
hopefully to see my sister while Mikey is gone doing shit.
i hope everything works out.

should i stay or should i go?

2007-12-05T02:49:12Z

If i go it will be trouble
but if stay it will be double...

I have no idea what im gonna do...

crazy4zito @ 2007-11-28T22:44:00

2007-11-29T06:44:53Z

Why are men so selfish?

Thanks.

2007-11-24T07:50:43Z

So went to the mall with Mikey and Derrick and his friend today. All was fine until a long while into dodging (not walking) around other people in the mall, i got dehydrated (i hadnt eaten). I passed out, hit the floor with my forhead (yes there is a mark) and blacked out due to a lovely concussion, threw up, and almost passed out again. So um. I didn't know that you can't sleep when you have a concussion or else you'll never wake up. Mikey was so scared and so was i. I didnt know what to do.
I was so tired though, i barely slept the night before, and i really wanted to sleep but Mikey forced me to stay awake. Thank God i didnt fall asleep.

you see it?
I hope all your Holiday shopping goes much smoother than mine.

crazy4zito @ 2007-11-22T10:58:00

2007-11-22T18:58:51Z

Happy thanksgiving.

I guess i have an "attitude problem"

2007-11-21T04:02:02Z

Even though its being caused by my boyfriend. And his stupid actions.

Garbage

2007-11-19T20:00:37Z

is a great band.

This Sucks

2007-11-18T18:32:03Z

I have no friends to actually hang out with at any given time.
How lame is that?
I can name one person that i might have a chance to hang out with.
All my other "friends" either are way to busy to hang out with me, but go out with others. They live to far away. Or something just comes up. Or we just don't talk anymore.
Typical.
So as Mikey gets to go to a 49ers game today, I'm stuck at home all fucking day with no one to hang out with.
And he doesnt care. I told him all my friends are busy, and i only have like one friend and She has things to do.

So what the fuck am I going to do?

Sleep. All day.

FUCK today.
It sucks. Already.

Let's just clear things up. So what if its too late

2007-11-10T18:57:37Z

People should never assume one's actions. If curious, ASK me!!!

You want to know what's wrong with me? Here:

I smoke weed. For me its not illegal because its my prescription. I have OCD and I'm depressed. My doctor thinks i need medication to tame it because she (a Professional) knows how bad it is for me. She agreed that smoking would be okey for me while we are undergoing therapy. If i didnt take anything at all i would be, yes, a SNUCK UP BITCH who doesnt want to do anything with anyone and just sit at home and wallow. Thats my normal. I'm used to that. When I smoke i feel like im going to be okey and i get through each day knowing that there is hope for me.

So what else...hmmm.....I'M FUCKING HOMELESS. I hang out with my boyfriend in his Van all day and sometimes we can actually go to his parents house and sleep there.
So WHY am I homeless?
I was living with Tamara and Diana for awhile after i left my moms. I had to go to their church. But Diana (who also had been smoking with me) told the church I smoked. And the church told me i had to leave their house immediately. I had no place to go. My dad's house if full, so is my Mom's who is living with my older sister and her boyfriend and newborn baby. oh and Katrina is there too. So i was forced to either sleep on a bunch of random peoples couches, or I could stay with my boyfriend in his van or with his parents until we save enough money to get out of there.

Why am i not in school? Because before school started i was forced to move in with mom and she didnt have money for school, nor did i have any transportation. My mother and father understood my situation and realized there wasnt much they could do. So i have to wait to go back to school until January. By the time she even thought about helping me get classes it was too late.

SO much SHIT has happened to me that none of you will even be able to understand.

You shouldn't judge people because their life took a turn for the worst when they had no control over it.
You should judge them when they start to like what they are doing when they know its bad.
But fuck THAT. YOU SHOULD NEVER JUDGE PEOPLE. ESPECIALLY YOUR FRIENDS.

I have never once said that i like what i'm doing.
I HATE IT> i hate who i am right now, But I'm sorry if shit happens to me that i cant help right away. It takes time to get back on your feet.
So for you who judge me. your time will come too.

I'm sorry if i didnt live up to any or your expectations.

crazy4zito @ 2007-11-09T17:20:00

2007-11-10T01:21:32Z

why do i feel like I'm being judged?

It's too early

2007-11-05T16:09:18Z

SCATTERGORIES...it's harder than it looks! Copy and paste into a new email. When you are done, send it on, including to the person who sent
it to you. RULES: *Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following...they have to be real places, names, things...nothing made
up!

*Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.

What is your name? Amanda

4 letter word: Ankh

Vehicle: Audi

TV Show: American Justice

City: Arcata, CA

Boy Name: Alex

Girl Name: Amber
Alcoholic Drink: Absolute

Occupation: Accountant

Something you wear: Arizona Jeans (It's a brand..)

Celebrity: Amanda Pete

Food: Apple

Something found in a bathroom: Acne Wash

Reason for Being Late: Auto Accident

I hate estrogen

2007-11-01T17:15:39Z

It brings out the worst in women,
If only men understood why women are so bitchy when they are on their period the world would be a better place.
How would you like it if you felt like someone was reaching inside of you and strangling your uterus? It not fun. I used to not have cramps but i think because i havent been on Birth Control (dont worry i'm picking up my new one today) that i've been getting them. It totally sucks cuz i have nothing to help them go away and i get in a bad mood since im in CONSTANT PAIN.

So if someone (in particular) gets pissed off at me because i'm in a bad mood, try having a uterus for a little while okey buddie!?!

Happy Halloween Y'all

2007-10-31T20:43:15Z

As said before I'm dressed as the Playboy idea of Dorothy. Haha. It looks cute. anyway. Just wanted to say happy halloween.

Hey LIESSE! I will be able to meet you at the starbucks! What time though? Like.......630ish???
I'll send this to you on myspace too. btw. i lost your number :0

crazy4zito @ 2007-10-30T23:55:00

2007-10-31T06:56:10Z

confusion

2007-10-31T06:51:55Z

Garcha you were totally right when you said:
"I'm ridiculous and too good at wrecking my own future".

I think i just made my life a little bit more fucked. I mean...why did i start talking to Alex again. He said he's coming back to Cali on saturday and wants to see me hella bad. i said yes. even though i know Mikey's not going to like that. at all. But he knows about alex. so whatever. i dunno.....

Im just making shit more complicated.
maybe i need it to figure something out. I dunno.
well whatever happens i hope its the right thing.

crazy4zito @ 2007-10-26T10:37:00

2007-10-26T17:38:21Z

CRAZY SHIT
has happened.

Just wanted to say hi to everyone! If you wanna hang out let me know! I miss you guys!!

I hate hope

2007-09-17T11:56:25Z

i hate that i can't help but wonder if...and if...and if...
It's a horrible cycle to get into.
I'm hoping that i stop all this hoping...

I'm pretty confused these days

2007-09-13T23:53:47Z

I dont know what i want to do about this Alex situation.
And Now i have to deal with the Church now because i live with Tamara.
They are gonna make me go back to church if i stay there, but i have to. I have no where else to go, nor do i want to go. I like staying there....
Right now sucks.

i forgot

2007-09-12T04:32:33Z

If you want it you got it forever...

2007-09-12T03:32:55Z

I really like this idea of not being able to smoke. I think it will calm me down a bit...make me remember how it was to be sober and actually enjoy it. I'm gonna make a deal with myself after this piercing heals: I'm not gonna smoke as much as i do. Maybe like...4 times a week, tops. Not everyday twice or three times a day like now. Haha but seriously. I'm cutting back.

Finally

2007-09-09T04:56:23Z

I finally got my lip pierced. Joy to the world haha. It really hurt. But i like it.

Maybe I shouldn't write in Anger anymore

2007-09-07T08:29:33Z

I say stupid shit when I'm angry. Oops.